why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
