what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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