im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
