eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
