I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
