You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
