going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
