better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
