would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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