You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
