Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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