i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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