Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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