Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
