I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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