There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's just like the Real World with babies
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
