Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you would pick up someone in the library
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
