life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Randomize
