I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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