Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
