so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
