You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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