Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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