it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
