So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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