Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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