I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
