I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
