I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
