dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
