Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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