i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
