You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
