I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
