Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
