trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
