The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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