So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
