I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
