I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
