Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize