i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
