Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
