things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
