i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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