I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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