he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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