Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
