I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
