if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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