I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
