He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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