how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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