smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
