Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
