I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize