I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
