Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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