she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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