Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize