at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
